i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You're a waste of cheezeits
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
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