i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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