New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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