its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
