So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
