life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I accidentally had phone sex last night
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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