Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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