how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
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Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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