Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
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