toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
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nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
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Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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