i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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