porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
