my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
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Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
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My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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