stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
be right there i have to get my cape
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
