I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
