This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
