Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
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