Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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