smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
