Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
