he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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