Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
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