the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
