I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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