you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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