I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
