the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.