You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.