Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
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I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
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For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius