Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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