Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"