Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
