who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
