I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
