Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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