I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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