I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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