I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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