yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
