i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
