Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
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