I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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