It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
