if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
