Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
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