I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
