Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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