I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
