More tranny stories later!
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
