Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
