he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
