What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
