Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
