Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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