Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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