apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
