I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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