we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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