just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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