i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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