He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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