i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
