Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
