btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
