On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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