Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
